Let me tell you about my experience that shocked even me. There are some personal goals I am praying for to come to fruition but due to my hunger migraines I could not participate in a traditional fast. So I decided to fast from social media for 9 days starting Monday August 8th. If you follow any of my social media platforms you would understand how I love to post especially on Snapchat. There was times out of habit I was about to click on it IG or SnapChat but quickly came to my senses. Social media is like my security blanket when I am bored or want to post my cute ensemble that is my get away. One week into my social media fast and I was offered a contracted Social Media Coordinator positon with a Marketing studio. That is truly my passion and I am so excited! The pay is absolutely amazing!!! So I guess that means I have 3 jobs right now and this is not the first time I have been here not to mention school. So that was the first thing that came out of my social media fast! I am so excited and happy about this wonderful opportunity!!! But little did I know in the midst of this social media fast I would participate in my biggest forgiveness purge of my life!
When I laid my head down to sleep on Sunday, August 14th I thought to myself “Lauren you can be petty sometimes and boy can you hold a grudge when you feel wronged”. So I prayed that it will go away. But be careful what you pray for because I promise you just might get it! So the next day I am in a GREAT mood because of the Social Media Coordinator contract position offer. I am hugging people at work, listening to my favorite gospel songs, and just smiling from ear to ear. One of my favorite gospel songs could not be found on Apple Music so I took on over to YouTube. Once the songs stopped playing I noticed a suggested video that was a sermon by TD Jakes titled “Let it Go” so I decided to click on it. Turns out the actual sermon title was “A Blessed Attitude”. He started off by asking if you had a blessed attitude. “You had one when you were dating. You had one when you first got the job. You had one when you first joined the church. You had one when you first joined the choir”. Then he started to speak about forgiveness and how toxins of grudges impact you. Matters of the heart have to be dumped of those toxins.
Something came over me that I was totally not expecting. I started to write down all the names of the individuals I was holding grudges towards, some individuals that I have not spoken to in over 4 years others 4 months. Immediately I started to write text messages that were honest (discussed my hurt or the wrongful doings) then I apologized for my part in the situation through my reaction followed by forgiveness. I sent 5 text messages, one Facebook message, and one email (found through Facebook). The words just started flowing immediately and messages were sent right away. Some responses were AMAZING and others did not respond at all. However, I was okay with that I started the message with “you don’t have to respond”. That was for my own sake NOT theirs. I am not asking or desiring for the friendships or relationships to go back to how they once were I am simply letting go of the toxins and moving forward with my life. It felt good to release the grudges and finally let go of those harbored feelings!!! A weight was lifted off of my shoulders. It is not about who started it but who finished it! I am so proud of myself and I feel so refreshed. Not everyone will be ready to do something like this but honestly I didn’t think I was either. But I put my pride to the side and became the bigger person. I was obedient to the relevant word that I just heard and actually put it into action. Something took over my spirit. Honestly I sometimes have a spirit of pettiness and shade but it was just like a light switch being turned on I released it! Now I am in a good mental space all around. Still waiting on some other things to come down the prayer pipeline but I am definitely hopeful.
"Forgiveness is NOT an occasional act, it is a permanent attitude" -Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.